Today, the United States celebrates Thanksgiving. Many people visit family and eat the traditional turkey, but does anyone know the origins of the holiday? We’ll here is (my version of) the story of Thanksgiving…
It all started a long time ago when these pilgrim dudes with funny hats crashed their boat into a rock. They were like, “Oh man, that wasn’t insured.” So they were sitting on this rock when these Indians appeared and said, “Want some pie, eh?” (They learned to speak English from the Canadians).
The pilgrims, being hungry, shot all the Indians and took the pie. It was delicious. While eating the pie, one of them spotted a weird looking bird walking around. He said, “Hey look, something to shoot!” and they shot it. It was called a turkey.
They were still pretty hungry, so they cooked the bird and began eating it. While they were eating, another Indian appeared and exclaimed, “What have you done? This is all wrong!” The pilgrims agreed and vowed to always eat the turkey before the pie. Then they shot him.
After many years of exploring and shooting stuff, the pilgrims ran out of ammo. The Indians, being very generous or stupid, offered them their weapons. The pilgrims said, “Thank you.” Since they didn’t know how to use these weapons, the pilgrims and Indians finally lived in peace for a while. The end.
So that’s the story I made up for Thanksgiving.