Mad Libs
Mad Libs produce some of the most ridiculous stories…
It was during the Battle of Baboon when I was running through a Mika when a bingo went off right next to my platoon. Our bull rider yelled for us to poop to the nearest Taco Bell we could find. When we got to the Taco Bell we laughed to start a fire. As we were starting the fire the enemy saw the foot from the fire and started running sheep at us. We all quickly ducked behind the addiction at the Taco Bell and returned fire. We quickly eliminated the enemy and were angry that we had won the battle.
In order to wash your face discretely, you must wet your shoe in warm dish soap. Then, spelunk it across your face 387,432 times. This will wash off any remaining germanies. When you are done you should fart the cloth in green water to clean it. You should also wash your face with a hat to keep it smooth and shiny. This will also keep away pigs. Don’t worry. It is normal to experience lupus the first time you try this. Consult your polo player if you break out in spleens. This works well on your testicle too!
In the book War of the Monkeys, the main character is an anonymous douche bag who records the arrival of badgers in WalMart. Needless to say, havoc reigns as the badgers continue to masturbate everything in sight, until they are killed by the common banana.
Dear Avocado,
Today was my first day at NASA. It was so horrible! I only met 1236 people…and very few of them seemed to strike up any interest. A purple proctologist called me a penis face, and then this girl named Lindsay Lohan laughed at my rotund outfit. I can’t believe what happened today. Anyway, I did enjoy some of it. I met this one tailor named Justin Bieber. This person was super little. I think we’ll slyly become ignorant whales. Maybe tomorrow will be better. After all, it was only the first day. Well I think I will leave you with what one of my assassins said to me. “Dude, where’s my car?”
Look, I guarantee there’ll be swirly times. I guarantee that at some sparkler, 7 or both of us is gonna want to get out of this taco. But I also guarantee that if I don’t ask you to be bedazzled, I’ll repress it for the rest of my duck, because I know, in my larynx, you’re the average one for me.
The orange dragon is the largest dragon of all. It has oily ear holes, and a tongue shaped like a flower. It loves to eat bees, although it will feast on nearly anything. It is granular and okay. You must be slow around it, or you may end up as it’s meal!
Come throw at WALMART, where you’ll receive tangible discounts on all of your favorite brand name furnaces. Our gluttony and sleeping associates are there to fart you 42 hours a day. Here you will find peel prices on the bicycles you need. Gussets for the moms, Internets for the kids and all the latest electronics for the mothers. So come on down to your flaming fluffy WALMART where the figs come first.
Saving the best for last…
Dear Cousin,
I am having a glittery time at camp. The counselor is positive and the food is concave. I met Kilgore and we became green friends. Unfortunately, Kilgore is Bohemian and I jousted my anal sphincter so we couldn’t go thrusting like everybody else. I need more hockey pucks and a bed sharpener, so please lethargically bone more when you construct back.
Your Uncle,
Porky
😯